A Desk With A View

I'm watching you. Yes, that's right, I do a fair amount of watching every work day. My workplace is located on the first floor of an office building. My desk faces an enormous glass window with reflective coating on the outside, but a nice clear view from the inside. I see everything that goes on in this little parking lot universe outside of my door. I am embarrassingly familiar with people's habits, rituals, schedules, and regular activities that work in this building. Mind you, these are people I have never met, spoken to, or even seen without a plate of glass between us.

Since my job is, well, rather boring, I have a lot of time to stare out of the window. It's kind of like being behind the one-way mirror in an interrogation room at the police station (you know, the one's you've see on Law & Order a gazillion times). And people fall for the concept that this glass is opaque, just like they do on Law & Order. I see them checking themselves out as they walk past my window. I can almost read their thoughts...."You're looking good today, man. Wait, is that a stray hair, hold on....let me fix it....perfect" or "Does this skirt make me look fat? Suck it in....now, that's better."

Anyway, I would like to share with my obviously large readership some of the more interesting regular occurrences in the parking lot before me:

Observation #1: Did you know that there are full-on bird gangs? I have seen, on more than one occasion, bird gangs gang up on a bird of a different color and peck the heck out of it. This is serious warfare, friends, and I, for one, feel that the bird gang activity needs to be held in check. How many innocent birds are we going to let perish before we do something to solve this problem?

Observation #2: There of those who save and those who spend. I call all of the folks who brown bag it to work "nifty thrifties." I fully expect to see them retire a full 10 years before the alternative group who go out to lunch everyday. (Though, I seriously hope I am not in this job long enough to actually observe this theory come to fruition)

Observation #3: "Mr. Denimed Man" is one of my favorite parking lot people. He wears not only denim jeans, but and acid washed jean jacket AND a denim fanny pack EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK. No matter how cold or how hot, the denim is in full effect.

Observation #4: There is a guy I call "Stripey," because of his enduring love affair with all striped shirts. I actually had a log book that I kept for the first few months to average how many days he wore striped shorts, but it got boring after awhile. He averages 3.78 days per week.

Observation #5: There is one lady who wears a full military uniform (Navy, I think?) everyday. This confuses me because I see no one else wearing uniforms and don't see any military offices located in the building. Hmmm.

Observation #6: Okay, confessing this observation may get me killed, but, this is what I do for my readers....I risk. I see a person (who is always carrying a 'package') make a regular exchange with another person who drives up in a car. The driver is always handing this person a package and he hands her a package. I'm no detective, but come on. I think we all know what is going on here. This is obviously a top secret recipe exchange, or even possibly--don't get too excited--tapes of new square dancing moves for the city's underground square dancing club. Yes, that's probably what it is.

Observation #7: Dandy Pastel Man. I don't really think this needs an explanation. Pastel sweater vests, bow ties, etc., etc. It's like a preppy explosion and it hurts my eyes.

Observation #8: There is this poor woman who huffs and puffs as she drags on her cigarette and hauls her 3 gallon cup and greasy bag from Hardee's EVERYDAY. Good thing I know CPR.

Observation #9: Who is it that you talk to at 7:45 am, and then again at 12:10pm, and then again at 1:05pm and then again at 4:50pm? There is one guy who, I swear, talks on the phone incessantly. I don't think I've ever actually seen his right ear.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your 'day in the life' tour of my work day. I know I live a pret-ty exciting life. Just remember the next time you're walking in front of a mirrored office building, you're being watched.....and possibly blogged about, so beware!