Book Worm, With A Mean Streak

Hi. My name's Capable Girl, and I am a book abuser. (hi, capable girl)

I didn't even know I had a problem until recently. It only became apparent after meeting Mr. L, who has a pristine (I'm talking never look like they ever left the publishing house pristine) book collection.

We were leaving for the beach last Thursday and I left one of my paperbacks open, face down, on his coffee table. Scanning to make sure we didn't leave anything, he spotted my book and its unacceptable position. "You're going to ruin your book," he said. Ruin? A book? That thought never crossed my mind.

It's not that I don't love my books. Actually, I think I love them a little too much. They come with me everywhere....even to the most hostile of locations. Humid bathtubs? Yes. Sand-filled beaches? Yes. At the table during a potentially hazardous spaghetti dinner? Yes! Yes! Yes! As a result, my books all retain a 'well worn' feel to them. Think little kid's-teddy-bear-he-goes-nowhere-without-and-it gets-a-bit-grubby type of a thing.

Mr. L has a signed first edition collection that remains unread so the books retain their value. While I admire his self control & ability to take care of his books so well, I don't know if I have it in me to do the same. I kind of like re-reading old books with battle scars....it shows that they've been somewhere, had an adventure, and have a story to tell (pardon the pun). My Bram Stoker's Dracula, which has been read 1,452,897 times looks like it's been through a war, maybe even a couple of wars, but I like it that way.

To each his own, I say. At least we'll always be able to tell who's book is who's.

HIS:

clean pages, un-marred by turned down corners

covers shiny, no wrinkles or tears

that 'new book' smell

HERS:

pages: some possible soiled, some showing signs of exposure to humidity, and possible deposits of a) cat hair, b) sand, c) crumbs

hardbacks without covers (those have been long ago discarded), paperbacks with rips, wrinkles, and warping

a smell

Notice to all books: consider this fair warning...I am coming for you (except if you are a sci-fi novel with a big breasted super hero lady on the cover....you're safe)