I am not proud of these sneeky little feelings that bubble to the surface. In fact, I have always loved being around people that completely embrace themselves, warts and all. They are the brave ones.
I have always tried to hide. Hide under big clothes. Fade into the background. Hide behind a computer screen on this blog. (Ever notice there were no real pictures of me?) Oh sure, I put on a good confident show with my words, but the truth is that I have been so fearful of judgment, it has always been easier to hide.
I guess it started as a little girl. I don't remember a time that I was ever comfortable with my body. Being diagnosed with severe scoliosis and wearing a bulky back brace for 5 years from age 8-13 just added fuel to the bad body image fire.
All of my life, I have really hated so much about my body. The hatred of my body didn't stop there, it began to spread until it consumed me. I hated my decisions, my thoughts, my words, my actions, etc.
That's the thing about hatred. It is a fire. It never stops at just one thing. It spreads and feeds until it devours everything in its wake. But, I've had a revelation.
Hatred is silly.
So, I decided to start a little project. A self-portrait project. This will include portraits of me (the physical me), portraits of my life, and portraits of my soul (though its very hard to photograph). I no longer want to hide. It's time to come out of my shell. Here goes...
Hi. This is me. Well, the left side of me. And my messy ponytail.
Yep. It's me again. This time in very deep thought.
This is my left hand. I have always loved my hands. (Okay, okay, I took a picture of my left hand because there is a beautiful ring on my finger)
And last but not least, my knees. They are strong and have taken me many places. These puppies even helped me run a marathon.
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